October marks the day when I got back into writing. I’ve had some stories to tell. Some mine, but perhaps now most of them focus on others. I have my co-workers to blame for planting the idea in my head. It’s been two years and I think it’s getting serious. A bit longterm. I was never good at longterm, but ultimate strikes that inspiration.
Writing poems and lyrics
I’m mostly into the spontaneous part. It means my blog is flooded with unfinished posts and my computer suffers from countless unfinished thoughts. Most of them will disintegrate into pixels or shards of paper. My life is a series of unfinished business kind of stuff. And so is this blog. So is this year on Introverted Ultimate.
So, what happened between November 2017 and October 2018?
Well, dear diary…
Stats and highlights
Rising bars each month can light up the day just like a Christmas tree on fire. It’s been quite a year – if we take a look at the stats. Despite posting once a month the blog is not exactly a lonely headstone. The most popular was March and June the least. The outdoor season is a disc reading (not blog reading) season after all. And so all of us chases something…
Take a look at my world domination map
This year my top secret diary was discovered by 7895 individuals who sought their answers with the help of the cyber fortune teller. If they would make up teams based on a 26 player roster, then we’d have over 300 hundred teams! Now that’s a party…
The MVP of curiosity goes to the USA (40%), leaving the UK (10%), Canada (8%), Poland (6%) and Australia (4%) still a bit behind. Most of these searches were generated by curious introverts seeking out a perfect sport. How sneaky of me – they’ve found a team sport recommendation.
Some were into learning the dark nature of those mysterious INFJ‘s (very dedicated, explosive, contradictory, on a mission, with a dark side). Others came here in search of ultimate frisbee tips. However, there’s a whole lot of you who simply are in need of gifts for ultimate frisbee players…and pick up lines.
So, apparently there’s some clickable content behind it. Some have funny gifs. No cats, I promise.
Christmas is coming up and Valentine’s Day is not far behind and…apparently, you’re in need of pick up lines? Hope you get inspired!
New Years resolutions are a lie. Inspiration is a thing.
By making a pre-New Years resolutions I wanted to hack the system. I’ve had a plan to post two posts a month. It didn’t quite go according to plan. I’ve lasted just three months. Since April I’ve been mostly relying on other people’s stories. My excuse? The outdoor season and that lingering feeling of resignation. Which pretty much leads to my most personal blog post on Introverted.
When I first started writing I tried to be a bit incognito. That didn’t go quite well. On the web, no one is anonymous, but when you’re writing to the faceless crowd it’s easier to write more personal thoughts and ideas. If someone knows you? Well, I start to overthink the do’s and don’ts. That’s why I’ve got eight unpublished posts. “Harsh Lessons” was just one I’ve managed to post after lots of editing of the messy thoughts. Some things are heavy to
What were some of them about?
- Women Ultimate – struggles of training, building a team, motivation and all of that falling apart – again,
- Why it takes 500 km to remind you why you love Ultimate – that one trip on April about going to Wroclaw to take part in pickup games, supporting a friend in tryouts and remembering why,
- Focus and mental toughness in sports – let’s face it…you can lose the game before the first pull,
- That one crazy idea about tryouts for the National Team – how I spontaneously put myself in yet another awkward situation when the “I can do it” part of me took over and wanted to shake things up,
- Why people quit Ultimate – it’s not all sunshine and rainbows,
- Beach Ultimate Tournament Organizing – because I’ve done this a few times now and I got some DM’s with questions on how to do it.
It’s all about your stories…!
I’m really happy with a blog series that I wanted to do ever since I’ve started writing the blog. It was a challenge for me in reaching out to people. It’s one of those things that push me out of my comfort zone, but at the same time, I’ve met many amazing people along the way.
5 Questions With… interviews are supposed to show the perspective of others player. It’s not always obvious what the sport means to others and why they act a certain way. I wanted to talk with players about tips, struggles, difficulties and overcoming them. As it turns out, just one sentence can strike up some controversies. 😉
– 5 Questions With…Elwira Piekart
And that unfortunate mixed as a priority… 🙂
I’m going to continue the series. Do you want to tell your story? Your teams story? Perhaps you’ve got some burning questions for someone? Let me know and we’ll see what can be done.
…but it’s not all about the stats, is it?
Personal blogs are not only about the stats. It’s also about life. It’s been a difficult year for me both in life and ultimate. If one part is collapsing then all others are affected with small cracks. I’ve been mostly trying to ignore the problems that I’ve had at my workplace. But those scars cut deep. You can’t bottle up anger, frustration and people making you feel like you’re never enough. So you go off one day. In most unlikely places and situations. I’ve lost it during one training. I guess I’ll never forget the reaction of my teammate, who walked up to ask me if I was alright because I’ve never acted like that before. There it goes… The oasis of tranquillity. Everyone breaks at some point. Then it escalates.
This year was about trying getting a grip on all the negatives I’ve had thrown at me. It’s all a mental game. In the end, it’s up to you if you let yourself believe that you’re not good enough at your what you do. Sometimes it’s only someone else’s point of view. It’s also a way to keep you grounded in one place, so you don’t leave. I see that now.
When you try to ignore the everyday life problems they slowly creep on you in other parts of your life. Ultimate is a huge part of my life for the past 4 years. This whole year came crashing down like a snowball filled with ice.
In Ultimate, a lot of problems come from people not talking and not working together. I guess I’ve been trying to fight the battles that were not my own and make things right too many times. It was a collision course of views, plans, drama, failure and miscommunication. Sometimes I don’t know when to let go, especially if I care way too much.
And I have quite a temper. It’s really
Ever watched or read Pride&Prejudice? The plot pretty much explains why it’s better not to judge others without full information or understanding. Behind every action is a reason. At the beginning of the year, I was called a no-lifer for committing way too much time for the team and the sport. Some time ago I’ve heard I was not committed enough. 😐
If I had a Tinder account it would say: Can we meet up in six months, preferably on Monday or Wednesday, because on other days I’m mostly throwing frisbees?
Along the way, I’ve lost myself. I didn’t know if the sport was for me anymore. Was it bringing me more happiness or sorrow? I’ve had the whole outdoor season to figure that out. While playing with my team I’ve found myself feeling unsure, uncomfortable and lost. I was overanalyzing every decision and holding back too many times from risky decisions not to screw things up. But isn’t it also about making mistakes?
That’s why at some point some part of me wanted to take a risky step and do things differently. I don’t usually play as a pick-up player, but I’ve spent almost the same amount of time this summer playing with other teams. I even went as far as going to the tryouts for the National Team. Playing on my team was always a priority. This time it wasn’t.
This summer I felt like a rookie player. I’ve had the chance to catch up Cutter 101 classes and regain some confidence. Because it’s all about that voice in the back of your head whispering that you’re not good enough. Confidence is that shield between you and the doubts. When you bring them with you onto the field then you might as well spend the whole tournament on the sidelines. The doubts will hold you back and cloud your mind. Playing as a pick-up player I’ve had a chance to meet a lot of great people and realize that I’ve never stopped loving ultimate. I hope I never will.
To add to the series of unfortunate events I’ve had some health problems since last September. Despite that, I’ve tried to keep up with training. The outdoor season brought episode II of health problems. At the beginning of May, I was forced to quit training. My first tournament was at the Warsaw Championships at the end of the month where I’ve almost fainted during one game and was forced to stop playing. That’s what you get for not recovering and putting off visits with your doctor. The end of the outdoor season brought me episode III where my body decided to play grumpy cat. Resting and recovering properly is important, it seems. Like, a proper vacation and taking a day off after a tournament?
Seems like the negativity has been affecting all of the small pieces of my life for far too long and too severely. It took me a long time to understand this and believe in myself. I think I would not make it if it were not for a few people, who were there for me all this time. They encouraged me to go on and put myself into situations where I’ve had to prove I could do things. Even in those moments where I just wanted to jump off this train because it was too overwhelming. So, thanks for the support and putting up with me. It makes a difference.
Some people come and go. They teach you a lesson. Others stay and want you to play a part in their life story. It’s up to you if you’re going to support them or let them down. For quite some time I’ve been trying to survive my story. I think that I’m finally ready to live it again.